This play has taught me so much about myself as an actor and a person, and I learned so many lessons that I will take with me, both in and outside of the theatre. Coming into this show, there were areas that I immediately knew that I would have to work at in order to ensure success. Beyond the standard research, analysis, and rehearsal, I knew that I would have to quell my insecurities and the negative voice in my head telling me that I can’t do it and that my best would not be good enough. I knew that I would not only have to work extremely hard to prepare, but also work hard to allow myself to trust in that preparation. I knew that I would have to come to terms with the fact that there were going to be times where I would make mistakes, but I couldn’t let that discourage me. I knew that there was a level of confidence that I would need from myself that did not exist at that time, and I would have to do what needed to be done in order to build it. These were all challenges that I was nervous about, but willing to take on.
There were also so many challenges and rewards that I could not have predicted, but shaped my experience with this show in a monumental way. I didn’t expect having to spend so much time and energy on the physicalization of my character, that it would become the main focus of my rehearsals for a long period of time. The mental and emotional toll that this show took was not something that I predicted, or even something that I initially experienced, but came to be as I became more and more invested in this story and its characters. Every day, this show challenged me to be so fully present and invested in a way that I never had been for a role before. I didn’t initially think that this character would push me so far out of my comfort zone, but it did, and for that I am so extremely grateful because it forced me to learn things that I never would have otherwise.
This role showed me that there is always more work to be done and always more avenues to explore. Whenever I felt comfortable in what I had done, there was always another step that could take it further. I learned how to dive deep into this role, and I hope that in the future I can continue to dive even deeper with each opportunity.
This was easily the most difficult show that I have ever worked on, but that made the experience so much more worthwhile. I found this story to be so important to tell, that I placed even more pressure on myself to do the story justice. This show taught me that this work is hard and can be frustrating and exhausting, but I have the ability and the bandwidth to work through the challenges and it is so rewarding in the end. The experiences that I have had over the past 3 years have taught me and shaped me for today, and this work will continue to teach me more about myself and the world.
At the end of this production, I am glad to say that I am incredibly proud of the progress that I made in this role and I am so happy with the show that we put on each night. I believe that I have come out of this experience a better actor, with a better understanding of my own weaknesses and abilities, and the knowledge on how to continue pushing myself.
